is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
