I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
