I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
