It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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