I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
