i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
