i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
