We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
