I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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