Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
