Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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