Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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