her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
