I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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