My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
