my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
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