she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love you.
Bad choice
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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