U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
