Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
