those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you didnt know i had herpes?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
