I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
