saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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