If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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