Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
