mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
one two three fourrrrnication!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
