This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
