you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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