I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
