He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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