I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
