Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
