I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
