The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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