can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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