im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
