Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
