Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
