You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
