why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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