she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize