So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
