mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
