shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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