party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it hurts more in the daytime
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
