i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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