There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
