Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
home. puking in laundry basket.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
