Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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