When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
