Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
