Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
