im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
