all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
