Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
