paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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