Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
