just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
