I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
