I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
