I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
