you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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