A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
