I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
