Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this boner is exhausting
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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