HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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