shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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