Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
