covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
