First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
