I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
