I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
