I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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