Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
