Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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