he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
