So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
