The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
