It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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