R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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