R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
