I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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